Guest: Bonnie

Religion has always been an important part of my life. As a child, I attended Sunday School and Vacation Bible School. When I got to college, I had some friends who were active with Inter-Varsity Christian Fellowship. We had many interesting discussions about the Bible and Christianity. One of them confronted me asking why I would not commit my life to Jesus as Lord. I shamefully disclosed the truth. "I think I am a lesbian." I knew what the scriptures taught about homosexuality and I was well aware that I could not be a Christian lesbian. Fortunately, their response was one of compassion and not condemnation. They offered no simple platitudes, but they prayed with me and for me. They didn't stop hugging me, or caring. But they challenged me to pray about how I really felt. They suggested that I let God deal with the matter. After bringing my pain before God, I did not act on those feelings again. At times, I wanted to revert to my former behavior, but something always interfered. The desires did not go away, nor did I stop having fantasies about same-sex encounters, but I became more focused and desired to love God as He loved me. It was not until I was much older that I began to deal with these feelings and finally gained some understanding as to why I felt as I did. There has been a lot of pain in facing ghosts from my past, and addressing issues about myself and the way I relate to others (which I would have preferred to have ignored). But because of God's grace, I was led to therapy where real healing could begin. I also learned of the ex-gay ministries and obtained literature and support from them. For the first time in my life I did not hate myself. I truly desire to be obedient to the Lord, and He knows that. I am not ashamed of my identity. I have come to understand some of the needs which instigated the sexual behavior. The process has taken a lot of time and forbearance. I continue to grow toward wholeness, but at long last I KNOW and FEEL that I am saved. I am a precious, unique child of God made in His image. It is no longer an issue of religion, but of relationship.