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Sunday, May 21, 2006
Celebrate Recovery: We’re only as sick as our secrets Thanks to Rick Warren
Allen R. Hunt 5/21/06 Mount Pisgah Eph 4.31-32
Been in a series – our hurts, habits and hangups – things that hold us back – prevent us from being who God desires – how we cope with those, overcome them
R.E.C.O.V.E.R.Y.
R: Reality (I am not God. I need help.)
E: Earnestly Believe (Hope: God exists and He has the power to help me.)
C: Commitment (Consciously choose to turn to God)
O. Openly examine and confess my faults to myself, God, and to someone I trust
V: Voluntarily submit to every change God wants to make in my life and humbly ask Him to remove my character defects
My friend, Fred, spoke at assembly of Christian churches of SC – Antioch Christian Church - Varnville – low country
121st assembly – first time they had ever met in a black church – for years after Civil War, had held two assemblies, one for whites and one for blacks
Finally, got courage to say, “We are all one in Christ Jesus. One assembly”
So they did – and always held it for 100 years, in a white church
First time in black church – largest attendance anyone could remember – good food, good worship, good spirit, everyone saying , “What took so long? What’s the matter with us anyway?”
Fred was speaker – between sessions would go out – ride around rural SC – likes to visit cemeteries – learn a lot in cemeteries
In one cemetery – large plot – obviously belonged to one family
All graves were lined up – small graves, children, infants, adult graves
One grave – where slab was crosswise, catty-wampus, slanted – took up 3 burial plots
Strange thing to do - Fred looking at it when man walked up
Fred: “Are you from around here?”
“Yes. You’re looking at that grave, aren’t you?” Yes
“I knew that fellow.” Grace marker said 1994, man in his 70’s
“We were in the same church; I knew him well, knew him all my life”
“Why did they bury him at this angle?”
“Well, family wanted that, and the church agreed”
“Why?”
“Cause that’s the kind of guy he was”
Whadyamean, that’s the kind of guy he was?”
“He was cross with everything. Never knew him to be pleased about anything, at home or at church. ‘Why’s he doing that?’ ‘Why did they ask him to do that?’ ‘He’s the wrong one to be doing that.’ ‘I wonder who decided that.’ All the time. All the time. Family decided they would not try to change him just because he was dead, so they buried him crosswise.”
That’s an awful thing to do
“Well, they wanted it to be a witness.” OK
“Family said, ‘If God wants to straighten him out, God can straighten him out. But he left here just like he lived.’”
Message 5: Repairing Relationships
E: Evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who’ve hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others except when to do so would harm them or others.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger…along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Eph. 4.31-32)
2 parts to this step – first, forgive those who hurt me, and second make amends to those I’ve hurt
I. FORGIVE THOSE WHO’VE HURT ME
WHY?
A) Because ¬¬¬God forgives me
Never hold grudges. Remember the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. (Col. 3.13: TLB)
Remember how much God has forgiven you, makes it a lot easier to forgive other people
Have a hard time forgiving other people, usually because you do not feel forgiven yourself
B) Because resentment does not work
To worry yourself to death with resentment would be a foolish, senseless thing to do (Job 5.2:GNB)
“You are only hurting yourself with your anger!” (Job 18.4: GNB)
“Some men stay healthy until they day they die….others have no happiness at all; they live and die with bitter hearts. (Job 21.23-25)
Resentment is not helpful and it is not healthy
Job says resentment is foolish – illogical
Makes you do stupid things – like drinking rat poison to kill the rat in your house
Gonna kill you and the rat will never know
Job says you’re only hurting yourself with your anger
You still remember – they have already forgotten – you are stuck in the past, and they already moved on – drains you of energy, drains you of life
Most unhappy people I know are those who are carrying a grudge
HOW?
A) Reveal my hurt.
Make a list of those who’ve harmed me and what they said…thought…did
Face it – be honest – let it out
For some reason, we do not like to admit the times when people we love have hurt us
You have options when it comes to hurts – repress it, ignore it, deny it or confess it – admit it
First thing you have to do is say, “This person hurt me. It was wrong, and it hurt.”
Make a list – get it all out – quit carrying it around in there
B) Release my offender
“How many times should I forgive my brother when he sins against me?”... Jesus answered, “not seven times but seventy times seven times!” (Mark 18.21-22)
Here comes hard part – I release my offender, I let him go, I stop holding on to the hurt
How do I do that?
You do not wait for them to ask for forgiveness
You do it whether they ask or not because you are doing it for your sake and for God’s not theirs
Why? Because God has forgiven you – because resentment does not work
Because you do not want to be miserable
How often do I have to do this? Jesus says not one time – but 70 x 7 times – forgiveness is not a one shot deal – every time you get those feelings, you forgive them again
Counselor I know had a technique for doing this
Gallery of pain – picture or list of all the persons and times when I have been deeply hurt
One by one, go and stand in front of each one – relive that pain, invite Jesus to come in, and release that person – take the picture down
How do you know when you have released an offender fully – you can think about them and it does not hurt anymore
Keep forgiving and forgiving and forgiving until finally you can think of them and it does not hurt anymore – you let go of it
Might even use the empty chair technique – rather than dredging up old stuff with someone whose life circumstances now may be very different – sit in front of an empty chair and tell them about it – You hurt me. Let me tell you how. But I want you to know I forgive you because God has forgiven me and because resentment does not work. I release you.
C) Replace my hurt with God’s peace
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts (Col. 3.15)
Give that person to God – Bible says that one day God will settle the score
Will call in all accounts and balance all the books – will have last word
God will take care of it – there is hell – Jesus talked about hell more than He did heaven
Bible says there will be judgment – but judgment you give will be judgment you get
Let peace rule in your heart – let God reign
2nd half to this step
II. MAKE AMENDS TO THOSE I’VE HURT
WHY?
Watch out that no bitterness takes root among you, for as it springs up it causes deep trouble hurting many in their spiritual lives (Heb. 12.15: TLB)
Hold on to unresolved relationships – causes deep trouble in you
Cannot recover – cannot really become the person God wants and enjoy happiness He intends for you
HOW?
A) Make a list of those I’ve harmed and what I did
Debts? Broken promises? Overcontrolling? Overpossessive? Hypercritical? Abusive verbally? Emotionally? Physically? Forgetting? Unfaithful? Lying?
Can’t think of anything – OK, I put some starters down here for you
B) Think how I’d like others to make amends to me
Do unto others as you would have them do to you. (Luke 6.31)
TIME? ATTITUDE? APPROPRIATE?
If someone were going to come and apologize, how would you want it done?
Time – right time for them, not for you – don’t just swoop in and drop bomb
Attitude – privately, humility and sincerity – that is what you would want – restitution – but some offenses so tough that no restitution is possible
Appropriate – want to be sure to do no harm – some circumstances prevent this
C) Refocus my life
Put your heart right, reach out to God…then face the world again, firm and courageous. Then all your troubles will fade from your memory, like floods that are part and remembered no more.
(Job 11.13-16 GNB)
Refocus your life on doing God’s will starting today in your relationships
Want to introduce you to Woody
Dad’s alcohol, perfectionism
Pressure on Woody- alcohol, black it out
Pregnancy – OK?
Functioning – thought doing well
Investigation at work – accusations created opportunity
Drinking at work – rehab and treatment
Wife - took chance to reveal frustration and distance
Son – same thing
Can’t undo 30 years – can only begin to work on them
Relapse, hard work, hope
Visualization
Allen R. Hunt 5/21/06 Mount Pisgah Eph 4.31-32
Been in a series – our hurts, habits and hangups – things that hold us back – prevent us from being who God desires – how we cope with those, overcome them
R.E.C.O.V.E.R.Y.
R: Reality (I am not God. I need help.)
E: Earnestly Believe (Hope: God exists and He has the power to help me.)
C: Commitment (Consciously choose to turn to God)
O. Openly examine and confess my faults to myself, God, and to someone I trust
V: Voluntarily submit to every change God wants to make in my life and humbly ask Him to remove my character defects
My friend, Fred, spoke at assembly of Christian churches of SC – Antioch Christian Church - Varnville – low country
121st assembly – first time they had ever met in a black church – for years after Civil War, had held two assemblies, one for whites and one for blacks
Finally, got courage to say, “We are all one in Christ Jesus. One assembly”
So they did – and always held it for 100 years, in a white church
First time in black church – largest attendance anyone could remember – good food, good worship, good spirit, everyone saying , “What took so long? What’s the matter with us anyway?”
Fred was speaker – between sessions would go out – ride around rural SC – likes to visit cemeteries – learn a lot in cemeteries
In one cemetery – large plot – obviously belonged to one family
All graves were lined up – small graves, children, infants, adult graves
One grave – where slab was crosswise, catty-wampus, slanted – took up 3 burial plots
Strange thing to do - Fred looking at it when man walked up
Fred: “Are you from around here?”
“Yes. You’re looking at that grave, aren’t you?” Yes
“I knew that fellow.” Grace marker said 1994, man in his 70’s
“We were in the same church; I knew him well, knew him all my life”
“Why did they bury him at this angle?”
“Well, family wanted that, and the church agreed”
“Why?”
“Cause that’s the kind of guy he was”
Whadyamean, that’s the kind of guy he was?”
“He was cross with everything. Never knew him to be pleased about anything, at home or at church. ‘Why’s he doing that?’ ‘Why did they ask him to do that?’ ‘He’s the wrong one to be doing that.’ ‘I wonder who decided that.’ All the time. All the time. Family decided they would not try to change him just because he was dead, so they buried him crosswise.”
That’s an awful thing to do
“Well, they wanted it to be a witness.” OK
“Family said, ‘If God wants to straighten him out, God can straighten him out. But he left here just like he lived.’”
Message 5: Repairing Relationships
E: Evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who’ve hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others except when to do so would harm them or others.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger…along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Eph. 4.31-32)
2 parts to this step – first, forgive those who hurt me, and second make amends to those I’ve hurt
I. FORGIVE THOSE WHO’VE HURT ME
WHY?
A) Because ¬¬¬God forgives me
Never hold grudges. Remember the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. (Col. 3.13: TLB)
Remember how much God has forgiven you, makes it a lot easier to forgive other people
Have a hard time forgiving other people, usually because you do not feel forgiven yourself
B) Because resentment does not work
To worry yourself to death with resentment would be a foolish, senseless thing to do (Job 5.2:GNB)
“You are only hurting yourself with your anger!” (Job 18.4: GNB)
“Some men stay healthy until they day they die….others have no happiness at all; they live and die with bitter hearts. (Job 21.23-25)
Resentment is not helpful and it is not healthy
Job says resentment is foolish – illogical
Makes you do stupid things – like drinking rat poison to kill the rat in your house
Gonna kill you and the rat will never know
Job says you’re only hurting yourself with your anger
You still remember – they have already forgotten – you are stuck in the past, and they already moved on – drains you of energy, drains you of life
Most unhappy people I know are those who are carrying a grudge
HOW?
A) Reveal my hurt.
Make a list of those who’ve harmed me and what they said…thought…did
Face it – be honest – let it out
For some reason, we do not like to admit the times when people we love have hurt us
You have options when it comes to hurts – repress it, ignore it, deny it or confess it – admit it
First thing you have to do is say, “This person hurt me. It was wrong, and it hurt.”
Make a list – get it all out – quit carrying it around in there
B) Release my offender
“How many times should I forgive my brother when he sins against me?”... Jesus answered, “not seven times but seventy times seven times!” (Mark 18.21-22)
Here comes hard part – I release my offender, I let him go, I stop holding on to the hurt
How do I do that?
You do not wait for them to ask for forgiveness
You do it whether they ask or not because you are doing it for your sake and for God’s not theirs
Why? Because God has forgiven you – because resentment does not work
Because you do not want to be miserable
How often do I have to do this? Jesus says not one time – but 70 x 7 times – forgiveness is not a one shot deal – every time you get those feelings, you forgive them again
Counselor I know had a technique for doing this
Gallery of pain – picture or list of all the persons and times when I have been deeply hurt
One by one, go and stand in front of each one – relive that pain, invite Jesus to come in, and release that person – take the picture down
How do you know when you have released an offender fully – you can think about them and it does not hurt anymore
Keep forgiving and forgiving and forgiving until finally you can think of them and it does not hurt anymore – you let go of it
Might even use the empty chair technique – rather than dredging up old stuff with someone whose life circumstances now may be very different – sit in front of an empty chair and tell them about it – You hurt me. Let me tell you how. But I want you to know I forgive you because God has forgiven me and because resentment does not work. I release you.
C) Replace my hurt with God’s peace
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts (Col. 3.15)
Give that person to God – Bible says that one day God will settle the score
Will call in all accounts and balance all the books – will have last word
God will take care of it – there is hell – Jesus talked about hell more than He did heaven
Bible says there will be judgment – but judgment you give will be judgment you get
Let peace rule in your heart – let God reign
2nd half to this step
II. MAKE AMENDS TO THOSE I’VE HURT
WHY?
Watch out that no bitterness takes root among you, for as it springs up it causes deep trouble hurting many in their spiritual lives (Heb. 12.15: TLB)
Hold on to unresolved relationships – causes deep trouble in you
Cannot recover – cannot really become the person God wants and enjoy happiness He intends for you
HOW?
A) Make a list of those I’ve harmed and what I did
Debts? Broken promises? Overcontrolling? Overpossessive? Hypercritical? Abusive verbally? Emotionally? Physically? Forgetting? Unfaithful? Lying?
Can’t think of anything – OK, I put some starters down here for you
B) Think how I’d like others to make amends to me
Do unto others as you would have them do to you. (Luke 6.31)
TIME? ATTITUDE? APPROPRIATE?
If someone were going to come and apologize, how would you want it done?
Time – right time for them, not for you – don’t just swoop in and drop bomb
Attitude – privately, humility and sincerity – that is what you would want – restitution – but some offenses so tough that no restitution is possible
Appropriate – want to be sure to do no harm – some circumstances prevent this
C) Refocus my life
Put your heart right, reach out to God…then face the world again, firm and courageous. Then all your troubles will fade from your memory, like floods that are part and remembered no more.
(Job 11.13-16 GNB)
Refocus your life on doing God’s will starting today in your relationships
Want to introduce you to Woody
Dad’s alcohol, perfectionism
Pressure on Woody- alcohol, black it out
Pregnancy – OK?
Functioning – thought doing well
Investigation at work – accusations created opportunity
Drinking at work – rehab and treatment
Wife - took chance to reveal frustration and distance
Son – same thing
Can’t undo 30 years – can only begin to work on them
Relapse, hard work, hope
Visualization